Life is short - Dont waste a minute

2003-11-05T01:11:00.000-08:00

In the last 2 months or so I have been a victim of sorts. I have lunch regularly with 2 women colleagues. They are on the 4th floor and i am on the ground floor. Now they come call me for luch reaon being they used to pick their carriers from the ground floor. Anyways in the last 9 or 10 occassions i have noticed that these women come and say lets go out or go for ice creams . Then the best part ..they say oh shit we dont have money..we cant go upstairs again so u carry some and we will give later. It so happens that I never get the money back. In the last 3 for occassions they have gone on thier own and still come and borrowed money..and there is no mention of returning the money at all.
My distinct problem is how do i ask for the money back..i find it awkward. Each time the amount is small 30 or 50 bucks per person...i calculated the amount and its now nearly 800-900 bucks that they have borrowed and not returned...what do u do..how do u ask?

2003-11-05T01:05:00.000-08:00

I read this in jivha's site about women inviting rape because they dress skimpily. Well I wonder why women dress skimpily and men dont. I think women do because they have better bodies..look better than men without much clothes on too!!

Men on the other hand look terrible when they are skimpily clap. If u chk abt in a pool with women in bikinis and men in trunks....well it is clear that women look so much better than the counterpart man. so just imagine how gross a man looks without clothes on!!!

2003-11-04T01:15:00.000-08:00

most indians esp the older generation love to condemn anything that is western. The favorite topic seems to veer around the corrupting influence of the western culture and virtues of our great indian tradition and culture.
We fail to realize that everything that we take today for granted and which everyone uses - tootkhbrush, toothpaste, pressure cooker, heater, air conditioner, the undergarment, sanitary pad has been the result the western scientific temparament. we use all this withou thinking and take it for granted but condemn everything else ..what have been achieve after the discovery of zero..nothing at all..we have remained there no progress either scientifically or in terms of world view..we still fall back on ancient customms without thinking why it exists

questioning some ritual or tradition is considered a sign of disrespect...we are expected to follow things blindly. If this is how the next generation is condition change will never happen. We take this concept of respect too far with the result that in most households there is no attitudinal change..whre then is scope for transformation

2003-10-19T22:28:00.000-07:00

I was having a discussion with some of the older generation on voting in the next elections. Given the dismal and pathetic performance of the BJP so far I was of the view that while i am not a congress votary maybe congress should be given a chance. I was so surprised at the vehemnece with which these people said that sonia gandhi cannot be a prime minister ..the reason she is an italian.
Is that a reason at all..That woman has married an indian, tried to mould herself into indian ways..stayed back here for whatever the reasons may be ( i too have my doubts on that) , she has an indian citizenship..so why not. why treat her as a foreigner.
To them all these arguments did not matter..they said a white woman should not become the PM. Isnt that strange!! our newspapers gloriosly report when an indian makes it big as some government official in US. People talk about how indians should be given the right to stand for senate/house of representatives. If that were be true why cant sonia who is an indian citizen be allowed to become PM.

Why is it so difficult for us to assimilate people of foreign origin and accept them to be part of us. I have some chinese friends and they always say that we have been here for generations but everywhere we go we are made to feel different. Derogatory remarks are made about them..same is the case with anglo indians. They have had to suffer taunts for years now!!!

But an interesting fact is that these very people expect you to forget your origins and culture when you get married into their community..you have to consider yourself to be part of their community and follow those customs and forget your own!!!

Standards change to suit one's ideas and whims...

2003-10-17T02:33:00.000-07:00

The last 2 weeks i have been meeting people whose lives seem to touch me make me realize how lucky i am!!!
there is this friend of my husband...very strange fellow. extremely brilliant guy. he is done a doctrate in mathematics. He came back to india applied for the postr of a asst prof in one of the prestigous institutes in the country..got rejected because apparently he did not do a M.S..i really couldnt believ this pathetic excuse. There is no doubting his brilliance so why he was rejected beats me!!!
Now the sad part..he got into depression and he took odd jobs and he works today in some shady software firm for Rs. 5000. He is 36..not married , both his parents died and his sister no longer cares for him. A person who was so arrogant that he refused to share an apartment in the us during his student day..today shares the apartment with 5 other people, travels by bus, has no phone at home.
The worst feeling is that I dont know what to do to help people like this. How do you build confidence in a person who has given up on life , become totally cynical.

2003-10-13T00:30:00.000-07:00

to me theres so much in life to complain about. I feel that my life is so boring there is no excitement, we dont go on a holiday...little little things...i seem to find enough things to crib about.
Yesterday however i felt so ashamed !!! while waiting for the lift, I generally was chatting with the security guard in my office. I asked him about his weekend break that was coming. I was shocked to hear that they dont get a single day off..work seven days a week. and here all of us crib about working extra hours on saturday because it eats into our weekend. They work 7 days a week for 12 hours everyday.
I wa amazed as his cheerful disposition inspite of all this and that he told me all this matter of factly and without complaining. Mere acceptance of this being part of his life!!!
I met him again while coming down the lift. It was his time to leave for home. so casually i asked him where he lived and how far away it was. He told me it was 12 kms away. Confidently assuming this to be normal mode i asked him how long it takes by bike...he looked at me in surprise and said madam if i could afford a bike i wouldnt be working here!!! Embarrassed totally when he told me that he travels by cycle to save on bus fare and time ..this takes him one and half hour each way. /this means he starts ta 6.30 and reaches at 10..with no holidays he hardly gets time to spend with family and kids!!
Ashamed i was about about cribbing about little things.. I have been given so much more and need to be thankful for this. I dont have to struggle to keep my family afloat..i earn much more that i may even deserve..maybe the when u dont have these major things to worry about you find that little things become more important;-)

2003-10-08T22:37:00.000-07:00

I always try and leave office latest by 7 in the evening. this gives me enough time to spend at home with my husband. He too like me tries getting back early. But a strange thing is that when i leave the rest of the office is still full. Everybody turns and asks me "oh u r leaving early " early..the official time is 9 to 6 so is 7 early. This was the same situation in my earlier office. You see women with little babies at home staying back till 9 10 in the night.
I keep wondering is there so much work that everyone has to stay back . why is that i dont seem to have so much work or my husband who is a consultant never stays back so late. Are we doing lesser than anyone else.

While talking to colleagues i realized that most of the people stay back because they fear their bosses. The bosses expect them to stay back late even if there is no work. I never understand why it is so important to put on an act. i guess the bosses want to show their bosses that he himself is keeping his team busy and they are doing a lot of work. This culture is being continually perperterated. Most subordinates are so concerned with their appraisals do not dare open and rebel against this.

In my earlier office my boss used to set up meeting after 6 p.m. how could he assume that people will stay back after office hours and that it is a violation of their personal space and time. The same person used to tell us tales of his stint in london where the office time was strictly adhered to and that people would hate it if their personal time was encroached upon. Well it is different when you come back to India and lord ove r ur subordinates who are too meek and too concerned with their careers to object.

With the result most people waste a lot of time during the day and start their work late in the evening. I even had a colleague who on the days the boss used to be around would come in earlier and leave later than him. and the days the boss travels come in late and leave early. The boss never noticed the number of breaks he used to take or time actually spent on work..only the fact of when he came in and when he left!! he was considered a model employee. Well the guy was so slimy that he used to come on a sunday on his way somewhere check his mail and shoot amail to boss to inform him that he worked on sunday!!!

Are bosses so dumb that they dont realize this or they themeselves have risen that way so they dont mind. Why is there no focus on deliverables. If a person is able to finsh the work in a specified time why bother about the other stuff...

Somehow the more i am in this corporate world the more it sucks!!!

2003-10-06T22:58:00.000-07:00

Outlook india had called for opinions on whether death penalty should be imposed for Rapists?

To me rape is one of the most heinous crimes that is committed by man. It is the act of a weak man who has no other way of showing his power.
I think rapists deserve no mercy. More than a death penalty they should be publicly castrated so that they live with the constant reminder of the heinous act they commit.
More important is how are you going to get the women and their families to come forward and press a case. It is considered so shameful to admit that such a crime has happened and most families tend to gide their faces . the woman is always blamed and taunted that she brought it on herself. Even our so called movies show a woman commiting suicide after being raped. It is shown as shameful and that she cannot get married ever. Is it a woman's fault? why should she have to resort to commiting suicide. Are there no men who have the courage to marry such a woman and accept her. Why dont the families themselves show support to the woman.

We need support groups for counselling such women and enabling them to start life over again and not believe that this is the end!!

Special courts should be set up to ensure that justice is done speedily and women face no humiliation and the rapist condemned/castrated and publicly humiliated. Special cells in police departments manned by women officers need to be set up so that women have the courage to go and file a complaint.

I remember seeing this movie "insaaf ka trazu" one of the really good movies whether the woman is shown to be strong enough to fight back and get the rapist convicted. We need movies with such messages that shows a woman getting back her life and fighting for justice.

2003-10-06T03:36:00.000-07:00

Phaneesh murthy is once again in the news...yet another suit for sexual harassment. This time he seems more belligerent in denying the case and says he will fight it. Is this really true or like he claims he is now being targetted for money.
Anyone you talk to in the industry is convinced that there is some truth in all this. He is reported to have an eye for women and infact did make reka's life miserable by stalking her.
What i do not understand is that why does it take so long for women to complain. How can they tolerate it for so long without raising a protest and then after a long period bring a law suit against the man.

is it because there is no recourse within the company. If the man is such a influential person and is considered extremely competent and an asset to the company will the top bosses even consider such a complaint and take drastic action. In all my work life i somehow feel that most of the CEO's including narayanmurthy (knowm for his ideals) would tend to gloss over such issues and brush it under the carpet. It would be treated as some thing of a grouse for a bad rating etc. After all why should they let go of a super performer on the basis of a complaint of a employee who can be replaced at any point.
Infosys did take action only when they had no choice and a court notice was handed over. Till then it was quietly brushed under the carpet.In a country like the Us where judiciary is quite alive it is possible to get redressal. What does one do in a countyr like india whre u file a case and it then drags for years with no end in sight. Also in india it is always the woman who is ultimately blamed...oh she must have brought it upon herself...by her behavior or clothes etc. The man gets away scot free!!

how does a woman protec herself from the unsavory comment, lewd references of male colleagues and bosses!!!

2003-10-01T05:12:00.000-07:00

I have always wondered why people save so much. Arent we all earning to spend on ourselves and lead better lives. As income grows lifestyle needs to change accordingly.
But it is commented with significant pride that u know i still maintain my humble origins..i still live in that small house, never eat out or go out..it means waste of money...or i still wear the clothes that i had 10 years back never mind it looks so old and faded...
I believe that economy grows when people spend not when they save. The 500 bucks i spend buying a new dress gives employment to the shopkeeper, girls working them and the people working in the garment manufacturing company
By saving that 500 rs which i can afford i am affecting the lives of so many people. It is the same if eat out..u are keeping the hotel alive ao is the case with entertainment or travel
I feel everyone should spend..spend within means of course..dont hoard the money..u anyways are not taking it with u when u die...by spending u are doing ur philanthropic bit to society!!! dont give charity spend instead..ur life becomes better and so does others!

2003-09-29T22:19:00.000-07:00

Generally surfing through rediff and indiatimes. most carry reports on karisma's wedding and pictures and articles of the same. Reminded me of d who is so star struck that she would never fail to read the gossip and live stories of bollywood stars. she was and am assuming still is a walking talking encyclopedia on what our stars are upto. There used to be days that she would pick up the phone to call and say ..u know madhuri dixit did this...and twinkle was seen here.I am sure that the first thing she would have done today is scan through all the stories and pictures devouring news eagerly about who attended and what they wore and said!!!
There was this one time we were in a cab on our way to eat pani puri. We were desp hungry. Suddenly she saw two guys who resembled MTV Vj's Ranvir and his fat pal...she screamed asked the cab to stop made me get out of the car and follow these guys. We reached them and they turned ...well to her extreme disappointment they turned out to be some strange tourists who were baffled as to why we were following them around!!!
Well i have had good times with D and I amd me never fail to recount the amusing times we have had with her. I wish she was around to call me and tell me abt karisma's wedding...

2003-09-17T21:23:00.000-07:00

Jivha sent me an interesting artcle in the BBC :

India faces key marriage ruling
An Indian man is planning to appeal after a landmark ruling in the Calcutta High Court that he has no right to force his wife to live with his family.

Women would be able to choose who they live with
Ashis Ghose says he will ask the Supreme Court to overturn the judgement.

He was speaking a day after two judges ruled that his wife should live with him, but separately from her in-laws.

Correspondents say if the Supreme Court upholds the ruling, the case will go down in legal history in India where women traditionally live with their husband's family after marriage.

Mr Ghose and his wife, Kakoli Das, married in 1994 and had a son in 1996.

Soon after, however, relations between Kakoli Das and her in-laws became strained.

Court order

When her husband refused to move out she sued him in a lower court, with the request that he be legally compelled to stay with her.

When the lower court turned down her request, she took the case to the High Court.

There Justice Ajoynath Roy and Justice Pradipto Roy said a wife had the right to live separately with her husband, and could refuse to live with his parents and relatives.

They ruled that Mr Ghose will now have to make the necessary arrangements so that his wife can live separately with him

Well this is a landmark judgement. tho i wish the supreme court upholds it. Aqua what do u say to this!!!!!

2003-09-17T02:42:00.000-07:00

My boss says with a lot of pride that he works till 1 every night and even works some on weekends. This was quite similar to what my previous boss used to say.
I wonder whether today it is the norm to focus only on work and make that the be all of your life. Have all of us lost our sense of fun of living life. isnt life much more beyond work. People dont seem to have time to take vacations and this they say with sense of pride. To me it just seems to be a sad life they are leading!!

Work is important but to an extent. I work to earn money so that i can use it to enjoy other things in life. I want to travel see places, go out with family for which i need money and so i need to work. This does not mean i dont have an ambition to achieve something. Yes i do want to have a sense of achievement in my professional life but then i am not so consumed by it that i forget that work is just one aspect of my life and there is lots more to enjoy. Clearly i feel the need to balance my personal and professional life. Both are important and i need to focus on them.

There is the guy i met ..an MBA . People considered him to be a loser since his batchmates were much ahead of him in terms of career. But when i spoke to him i realized that this never bothered him one bit. He was very clear with his priorities. He insisted on taking his vacation twice every year . The number of places he has travelled is amazing. Name it and he has done it - trkking, skiing, rafting, bungee jumping, kayaking etc. Ask him about his career and he says so what some guys become CEO's at 35, i might take longer..it does not matter i will anyways get there but while getting there i am not going to stop enjoying other pleasures in life!!!! I dont want any regrets at the age of 60 .

2003-09-12T03:56:00.000-07:00

The last one week has been full of the 9/11 tragedy. nobody can stop talking about it! television channels, magazines and newspapers and even people around keep referring to the great tragedy that happened on that day 2 years back.
It just makes me wonder why is it that there is so much focus on this one big event. I admit it was a tragic event wherein lots of people lost their lives for no fault of theirs. But then is this the only tragedy that is happening.

why dont people think about innocent lives lost in iraq as a reuslt of US imperialistic ambitions couched under destruction of terrorism. why is there no such hype around lives lost in afganistan.
forget all that we have reports on daily killings in kashmir. if we count the casualties there over the last 20 years it would be ten times as much. but we and by that i mean the world and the indians themselves have become immune to it..we just gloss over the news item as something that happens on a daily occurence. But when news on 9/11 or tragedy in america happens there are endless discussions on that.
Arent human lives important wherever they are lost!!!

2003-09-10T22:44:00.000-07:00

Today a conversation with a colleague about having a female boss made me think!!! (for a change i do do that). Its really surprising that i have never had a female boss. But from my experience of watching them from afar i realize that having a female boss is a slightly tricky situation. Women somehow have a strange relationship with other women. there is always an underlying sense of competition rivalry and judgement. One woman is constantly watching the other in terms of the clothes u wera, the car u drive, the shoes make up, the way to interact with others and is always evaluating you. Its truly difficult to establish a comfort zone. maybe i am wrong but then i have always found it easier to get along with men than women ..somehow with women bosses if the initial vibes are bad then they can get vindictive. but then the other fact is that in a male dominated set up its easier to bond with othere women. u establish a relationship based on empathy since its difficult to hang out with the guys most of the time.

I guess with a woman boss one always has to be on edge not knowing when things can sour and god help if the woman boss hates u....then its time find anothe job fast

2003-09-07T21:39:00.000-07:00

I have been in chennai for over 6 months and I am ashamed to admit that I had not visited any of the nearby places tho i am a supposed travel freak!!! i guess when u r married ur freedom to do things gets curtailed. Anyway to rectify matters me and hubby decided to travel along east coast road. We had heard so much about it. Believe it was so dissappointing to get on to that road. I expected a six lane or atleast a 4 lane highway on the lines of the mumbai pune highway. The roads were as narrow as the city roads except i must add there were no potholes so the ride was comfortable.

As we went along this road , i was amazed to see the number of places that have come up. Road sid drive in restraurants were all along the way offering variety of cuisines tho i did not try any of them so cant say much of the dishes . There were so many places around to visit. We passed the VGP beach resorts promising ourselves one weekeend there sometime . Then there was the ZEE MGM dizzie world a theme park. Slightly ahead we saw signs of mahabalipuram and pondicherry. It was tempting to go all the way but the thought of office the next day for both of us and we decided to let that pass for another day.

Well we did not just see these places. we did visit one place which was called the Dakshin Chitra. This was a handicrafts place that recreated the traditions of south India. So you had real houses of kerala, Tamil nadu, Andhra pradesh and Karnataka.
Tamil nadu area had a real existing chettinad house with wooden pillars and areas of recreation, puja room. completely traditional. This was really beautiful and the concept of the coutyard giving the element of space was really amzing considering we all have to make do living in small flats.
There was an ctial weavers house re created. This was the house a silk weaver in kanjeepuram where all the expensive silk sarrers get woven This house was in stark constrast to the ikat weavers house in karnataka, bagalkote dist. The economic disparity was so obvious in the style and size and contents of the house.
The other bit that amazed me was the thatched house that exists in coastal andhra. It is amzing how a house like this can withstand storms and cyclones and provide shelter. apparently it does.
Then there were these little interesting stuff like parrot horoscope and palmistry which i definitely could not ignore and got done!!! nice to hear about nice things to happen in the future.Though it psyched me when they said i would have six children!!! that would be tough

there was also pot making and basket weaving but there was not much time for that. maybe next time.

While this does cater to the foreign audience i think it is really worth a visit for all of us esp those who always have lived in the city and never know how people in the villages live and their traditions and customs.

next visit would be mahabalipram or pondicherry hopefully soon enough!!!

2003-08-24T21:37:00.000-07:00

Rains in chennai are welcome at any time. Gives a respite from the heat. Today morning i got up with the sweet smell of rain (i feel there is a smell to the rain) and beautiful sight of rain falling on trees and leaves.
We have a person comimg in to clean the car everyday. Inspite of the rain he had come at his usual time and was religously cleaning car all soaking wet. A thought occured to me.... If it had to be a family member who was to clean the car we would have said oh dont bother today..its raining and you would catch a cold or go down with fever. But nobody spared a thought for this man and the possibility of his catching a fever. Woulnt it have been humn to just tell him not to clean the car for a day. Just because we pay him for his labor do we ignore that fact that he too is like you and I and prone to catching sickness.
It is the same with the servant maid we employ. We loudly curse her for not coming for a day beacuse it adds to our burden of doing household chores. We never stop to think of her problems , her plight, the rains affecting her. We may decide not to go to office but we expect her to come anyways.

We Indians pride ourselves on our concern for others, our great traditions etc and curse the westerners for being individualistic and castigate everything that represents modernism.
This incidents just serves to remind me that we indians are no different. Infact our concern lies only within our family. We do not care for others tho we love to talk about how human we are. We read the scriptures, we pray a lot but we fail to exercise the basic concern for humanity, of extending courtesy to another individuals suffering.